9Saturday, March 18, 2006
Its 1.06am and yet i'm not asleep.why?Its becuz i couldn't sleep altho i'm tired.todae is not the first dae i have this problems..its been quite long already.If i sleep,i would wake up every minute n finnally got myself a "nice" headache.
i can't deny that nothing is bothering mi becuz der is,but i jus dunnoe wat.been doin well in hiding de emotions but how long must i hide?anyway i'm not only deceiving my fwenz n family members onli...I'm deceiving myself too. i noe,ppl sae dun bottled up...but tell mi what is der to sae out when u urslef dunnoe wad de problem...u jus noe der is/are.
i dun even noe if this problems that is haunting mi is even linked to my sleepless night.my dad told mi it isn't good fer my health to not have enuf sleep...but either way oso its won't do good fer mi...if i sleep i would have a nice headache...if not i jus feel sleepy...but couldnt't sleep n it affect my health...either way , it still affect my health..so wad's de big fuss..
it's not tt i dun do anything to stop or prevent this...i did...i tried to be happy..cuz by being happy i can laugh...n laughter is de bez medicine..but it just make mi more guilty...noeing tt i'm denying myself...it tottaly suxs to be in denial..realli...how many more laughter,sleepless night n guilt i have to endure before this end?or is this jus de begining?
ppl sae dey want their life to be like mine...but dey were tottaly wrong...my life jus sux...its tottaly not a dream life...sickness?problems whic i dunnoe of? it took 1 of my bez hoobies away.sleeping.i couldn't sleep cuz i will end up having headache.guilt, having to put up a show to perk ppl up n trying my bez to look at de other perspective..if mayb jus mayb life is nice...but till now i still have not found it...when will my life stop having suprises?wen.?..enuf.i dun wan anymore...realli...
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