9Friday, October 14, 2005
yeaterdae and de dae b4 was veri hard fer mi....i kept thinking of him...den i couldn't sleep...yesterdae i slept at 4.30am as i jus can't stand de pain ...der nth i can do to stop it...des no1 even to stop de pain xcept him...nw my life is jus crumbling down n jus can help to noe tt i jus can't do anything cause he control de whole of mi...i jus feel lifeless once again..i cried the whole nite thru...i hav de urge to cry while was fasting but can't so i try to crack jokes all tt stuff wi my bro...den aft break fast i jus cried all thru de night like i 've nvr cried before...den while i was cryin i heard de song he send mi...den i jue beat n blame myself up for being so stupid not to relalised....i guess wat i said in the past post abt mi havin eyes but i dun see...freaking helll y am i that dumb ?why i let him slip past mi like water without mi trying to stop it frm going away?why...y now we r not like last time...y do u hav to build a wall btw mi n u wenver i'm ard...n b hu u r to others...theres so much i wan to sae but i guess u jus dun seem to understand de state i 'm in....BUT IN THE FIRST PLACE DO U CARE!!!!i jus dun wish to tok abt my result..but tell u sumthing it is far worst than last yr...mandan n nani all jus not pleased wid their result..fer mi i've let it go...if i drop normal den normal lor...jus xcept de fact nw than be suprised later...but i think i will drop normal lor...but der is pro n con to t lahz..cause if drop normal at least i gt mor tym to prepare fer o levels...n if i can make it during de o levels at least i gt n levels...but i need to spent mor time in sec skool...
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